The only way to begin a tantric practice is to dive right in. Don’t waste any time trying to think and process your way through it. There’s no need to consume book after book so that you learn every single step of the dance, before you make your first move.
Tantra doesn’t come through the head. It’s great to be informed, to have information, to know what’s up. But that’s not what this practice is hinged on.
Tantra is a practice of art and revelation and deep experience. It’s a connection to heart space. It’s a remembering of the ecstatic nature of ourselves and of our bodies. It’s a welcoming embrace, as we melt into the arms of all that is divine and sacred. It’s a channeling of our highest selves. A harnessing of pure life force energy.
And when we bring all of that into our sex lives, the intimacy with ourselves and with our partners becomes wildly heightened.
If you’re curious about tantra, if you’d like to know more about it other than all the stuff you’ve heard or read, just start! I’ve got two breathing exercises here that you can do with your partner TODAY…
The foundation for your tantric sex practice is breath.
The vast majority of us are not breathing into our fullest capacity, and so we are cutting ourselves off from the life force energy that is constantly available to us. Starting to breathe deeply and into your belly will bring you back to yourself. It will connect you to your body and to your senses. It will also connect you to your partner, if you can breathe together!
Here are two breathing exercises that you can do with your partner…
- Basic Synchronized Breathing. Sit facing each other. Make sure you’re both comfortable. Make soft, unforced eye contact, and hold it. As you do so, start to synchronize your breathing. Slowly inhale and exhale together. Be completely present and available to your partner. Let this be a meditation of connecting, deepening, expanding. And don’t break eye contact! Allow whatever emotions or feelings that are there to come up. Do this for 10 minutes, at least.
- The Back-to-Back Breath. Lie in bed together. Turn away from one another so that your backs are touching. Be sure that you’re comfortable here. Allow yourself to melt and merge into your partner’s back. And try to synchronize your breathing. Get lost in the synchronization. Do this one for at least 10 minutes. This is a great one to do when you both wake up, or even before you go to sleep!
You can practice these both, or you can just focus on one for now. And after each one, you can talk about what you both experienced, or you can transition into lovemaking. When you do have sex, try to hold eye contact and synchronize your breathing during different points throughout. Notice how much more connected you are!
And the big thing to remember is: Don’t always be searching for the hot or enlightening result. Just be present and available to what’s coming up. When our minds are focused on achieving results in lovemaking, we’re unable to fully commit to the moment. And the moment is where it’s at. This might be tough to do at first, but it gets better with lots of intention and practice!